Forgiven
by silvermoongirl10
Summary: Set post always. It has been two months since Esposito returned from suspension and things are strained between Esposito and Ryan, Gates has forced Ryan and Esposito to continue working together. Their line of work is dangerous, danger can be around any corner, and will Esposito understand Ryan did what was best? And get the chance to make amends?


**A/N this is set three months after the episode **_**Always**_**. Warning it's a death!fic so be warned! It is from Beckett's and Esposito's POV's.**

The team were gathering information on their suspects for their current case. Beckett was sat at her desk watching Ryan and Esposito, Castle had gone to the break room for some coffee so she was left to wonder why Esposito was still angry at Ryan, she had long since forgiven Ryan for what he did. The morning after it all happened, she was with Castle and told him everything that had happened, and then it dawned on her, Ryan had been right. They should have told Gates, she felt bad for the situation she had put Ryan in, she knew Ryan had felt guilty about going behind their backs to Gates, he had felt he had betrayed them, but knew in the long run he was doing the right thing. That same morning she went to the Precinct and waited outside for Ryan to arrive, when he saw her before she could say anything he launched an apology at her.

"_Beckett I'm so sorry, I never meant to get you and Esposito suspended, I know I went behind you're backs, but I felt it was the right thing to do and-"_

"_Whoa Ryan! Stop! I'm not here to blame you; I'm here to thank you"_

"_You have every right to be mad – wait, to thank me?" Ryan had looked at her confused,_

_Beckett laughed and said "yes to thank you, you were right all along and I should have realized that. And don't worry about Espo, he'll come around and realize it to" Ryan had smiled and nodded at her then continued his way into the 12__th__._

What saddened Beckett was that Esposito hadn't come around, the only times he ever said anything to Ryan was when it was absolutely necessary and even then it was monotone answers. Esposito and Ryan were more than best friends they were brothers and Beckett had always hated it when they had a fallout but it would take them half a day to sort it all out, but now it had been three months, she hoped they would sort it out because Gates had made them continue to work together, and that could be dangerous in the field when they went to get a suspect, Beckett felt Gates was making them work together because Gates wanted them to be the best friends that they were again like everyone else in the squad.

"Beckett I've got something!" called Ryan, and he came rushing over to her desk and handed her a rap sheet as he relayed her the information "Nick Mantel, he's been in and out of prison for the majority of his life, his recent convictions were for manslaughter and then attempted murder"

"What's the bet he moved up to murder?" asked Beckett and she noticed Esposito near her desk but standing away from Ryan,

"Very high" replied Ryan, "I arrested him quite a lot when I was with Narcotics, he always resisted arrest mostly by running away but the last time I arrested him he had shot my partner in the leg forcing my partner to leave the force"

Beckett gave him a sympathetic look "I take it then he can be unpredictable"

"Most definitely, once he managed to punch me to the floor and I had to be on desk duty for a couple of weeks with cracked ribs"

Beckett noticed Esposito looking at Ryan with a concerned look on his face. Beckett smiled to herself, it was obvious Esposito still cared about Ryan; Ryan was like his younger brother so Esposito never liked it when someone hurt Ryan. Even if Ryan was telling a story from his past that involved him getting hurt Esposito had never liked listening to those stories even if Ryan was laughing when he told it.

"What have you got that ties him to the murder?" asked Beckett,

"His cell phone, I tracked the GPS on his phone and it puts him in the vicinity about the time of the murder"

"Well let's go then" said Beckett as she rose from her chair, "Espo" she gestured to Esposito that she wanted to talk to him.

#######

Esposito watched Ryan over to his desk to get their squad car keys and the address for their new suspect.

"What is it Beckett?"

"Espo you really need to sort the situation between you and Ryan out"

"Don't know what you're talking about"

"Espo, he did the right thing, I came and saw him the day after and he felt really bad and was apologizing to me, but I told him I should have realized he was right. And I think deep down you know he was right as well you just don't want to admit it" Beckett then walked away signalling to Castle they had a suspect.

Esposito made his way to the squad car and just got in the passenger seat, normally he liked to drive, but recently if Ryan had found the address he let Ryan drive so that way they didn't need to talk. So Ryan silently got into the driver's seat and started the car. Beckett's words were still playing around in Esposito's head, was it really his pride that was stopping him from admitting to Ryan that Ryan had been right. And really Ryan had been, Beckett owed her life to Ryan, and if it wasn't for Ryan saving Beckett Esposito would have Beckett's death on his conscience. When he was suspended Ryan had called Esposito he just never picked up, and when he came back to the 12th two months ago Ryan had tried to talk to him, he just never listened and so Ryan had soon stopped trying. Ryan didn't think Esposito didn't know about him asking Gates for a transfer, but Gates had refused Ryan telling him he had to sort the situation out with Esposito, telling him she knew he didn't really want to leave Homicide. Instead of feeling anger Esposito know only felt guilt, he had been so close to driving his partner away, so he was about to open his mouth and tell Ryan how sorry he was, when Ryan stopped the car and said "we're here" as he got out.

Esposito walked to the boot and got his vest, he was about to try again when Mantle appeared around the corner, so what Esposito was about to say was pushed to the back of his mind.

Mantle saw them and said "ah hello Detective Ryan, long time no see, I see you have a new partner, whatever happened to Detective Slone? I didn't have anything to do with his leaving did I?" sneered Mantle.

Esposito looked at Ryan and saw sadness and anger flash through Ryan's eyes.

"Just shut it Mantle, you're coming with us" replied Ryan,

"I'm hurt Detective, you don't want to catch up for old times' sake?" grinned Mantle,

"No I don't, so just get on the floor with your hands behind your head and don't even think of reaching for the pistol I know you have behind your back" ordered Ryan,

"You know me so well Detective"

"Just get on the floor Mantle!"

Esposito's eyes were constantly flicking between Ryan and Mantle.

Mantle just grinned and said "just a shame I won't listen" he then reached for his gun and before any of the team could do anything Mantle fired off three shots and as he turned to run he fired one more directed at Esposito.

"Javi look out!" cried Ryan as he pushed Esposito out of the way, Beckett and Castle were already after Mantle before he could disappear.

Esposito looked up from where he had landed on the floor and saw Ryan sprawled out on the floor clutching his neck.

"Nononononono" chanted Esposito, when he rushed to Ryan's side he saw the fourth bullet had hit the base of Ryan's neck.

Ryan was getting weak from the blood loss and so his hold on his wound began to loosen.

"Jav – Javi you ok?" gasped Ryan,

"Ryan stop moving! And what were you thinking?" demanded Esposito,

"Jus – just re – acted"

Esposito grabbed his radio and called out "dispatch we have an Officer down, I repeat Officer down on West 119th Street 7th Avenue" Esposito then held down on Ryan's wound causing Ryan to gasp in pain and try to squirm away.

"I'm sorry Ryan but I gotta do it"

Ryan then started gasping just to try and get enough air into his lungs, "come on Ryan hold on! When you're better I need to tell you I'm sorry!"

"For wh-at?" asked Ryan,

"For blaming you, but you were right and I-"

"I already for-gave you" murmured Ryan,

"What? What about you asking to transfer?" Esposito could see Ryan was fighting a battle with trying to stay conscious and he needed Ryan to stay awake.

"Thought I'd give you so-me space, I wa- was gon- gonna come back"

Ryan's eyes started to slide shut, "Nonono come on Kevin stay with me!"

"M'tired"

"Please Kevin! I won't have another partner after you"

"Yes yo-u will" Ryan then started to cough, causing more blood to pour around Esposito's fingers,

"No, no I won't your my best friend Kevin, you're like my annoying kid brother"

"So you're calling me annoying? Whi-le I'm bleeding out?"

"Don't talk like that! And you're only sometimes annoying… Damn it where's that ambulance?"

"Javi it doesn't matter – it- it's too late" whispered Ryan as he continued to try and draw in enough breath.

"No it's not! Whatever happened to 'I'm with you until the wheels fall off'? Huh?"

Ryan coughed again and said "I'll still watch your back Javi"

"Stop talking like a dead man Kevin!" Esposito had no idea he had tears falling down his cheeks,

An ambulance screeched to a stop nearby just as Ryan's breathing hitched, he couldn't get what he was trying to say out, but Esposito could read his lips saying 'don't do anything stupid Javi'. Just as an EMT skidded beside the two partners Ryan's eyes had shut, the EMT checked him and shook his head at Esposito "I'm sorry".

And just like that Ryan was gone, on a dirty street protecting his partner from a man who already caused him to lose one partner.

#######

Esposito watched as his brother was lowered into the ground; he hadn't cried since Ryan's death, he held it all in being strong for everyone else. He had spoken to Jenny, who had thanked him for being Ryan's best friend and partner and for also trying to save him that fateful day. Esposito said he could clear Ryan's desk and give her what was there, she refused and asked him to keep the things in Ryan's desk.

So the day after the funeral, Gates had given him the day off, but he came in to clear Ryan's desk, he just put all the stuff in a box and went home, on the way giving Jenny a photo he found on Ryan's desk of them.

So when he got home he started to have a proper look at what was in the box. He then came across a photo of him and Ryan covered in mud from head to toe, while going to check a suspect's alibi they had slipped on some mud (the photo was courtesy of Castle).

Esposito then went to bed and began to suffer from a nightmare, he saw Ryan getting shot and pleading for Esposito to help him, but Esposito found he couldn't move. He watched as his best friend bled out in front of him again and again, until he shot up awake and as he looked to his left he saw the photo he looked at earlier and for some reason that caused him to break down into tears. He felt Ryan's death was his fault. He found he couldn't sleep so got dressed and made his way to the cemetery and knelt in front of Ryan's grave.

He didn't know why, but he reached for his phone and listened to the voicemails Ryan had left three months ago. It comforted him in a way, to hear Ryan's voice. But it didn't take away the fact that Ryan was gone and he wasn't coming back.

**A/N this was a 'what if' situation, I wondered to myself what if Espo never really got a chance to tell Ryan how sorry he was, but I really hope this kind of thing doesn't happen in this coming season! This was my first death!fic so sorry if it is bad, I would appreciate constructive critism so please review **


End file.
